Originally published as part of the Oct 31, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

After several weeks of brilliant impressions, we move to the hysterically bad ‘Questionable Impressions’ from Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Previously…
10/24: Funniest Frank Caliendo impersonation of John Madden from MadTV.
10/17: Kevin Pollack’s dead-on Shatner, Falk and Walken impressions on Late Show with David Letterman.
10/10: Shatner sings to George Lucas at 2005 AFI Life Achievement Award: A Tribute to George Lucas.
10/03: A final Nazi reference courtesy of Ricky Gervais, creator of The Office and Extras.
09/26: A certain German dictator roasting Don Rickles on the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast from 1970s.
09/19: Carol Channing and Nazis hawking dessert products. I kid you not.

Originally published as part of the Oct 31, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

Super Bowl XLI 1/2, as the Patriots-Colts is being dubbed, is not the first ‘Game of the Century’ to be played during the regular season.

In 1985, for instance, the defending AFC champion Miami Dolphins hosted the undefeated and ‘unstoppable’ Chicago Bears on Monday night. In an epic matchup, Don Shula devised a rolling pocket to give Dan Marino just enough time to deal the 12-0 Bears their first loss of the season, 38-24.

But to me, Sunday’s battle for home-field advantage in the playoff is more reminiscent of the Giants-49ers clash in 1990. The two-time defending champion San Francisco 49ers with Joe Montana, Jerry Rice and Ronnie Lott faced off against the No. 1 contender New York Giants with Phil Simms, Mark Bavaro and Lawrence Taylor.

Both teams started 10-0 and both teams suffered their first loss of the season the week before the ballyhooed Monday Night matchup. The Giants 31-13 to Buddy Ryan and his Philadelphia Eagles; the 49ers 28-17 to an undermanned Los Angeles Rams club helped by six 49ers’ turnovers.

The game itself was a titanic defensive struggle with the 49ers eking out a 7-3 win. And the rematch in the NFC Championship game was one for the ages as the Giants pulled out an improbable 15-13 victory after Leonard Marshall’s crushing sack of Joe Montana that would sideline the Hall-of-Fame quarterback for nearly two years.

But perhaps the most impressive were the coaches that day. Bill Parcells, of course, was head coach of the Giants, but his staff included Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Charlie Weis, Romeo Crennel and Al Groh. For the 49ers, George Seifert had replaced Bill Walsh and featured a staff that included Mike Holmgren, Ray Rhodes (at the hospital after an emergency appendectomy) and Jon Gruden.

One can only hope that Sunday’s Patriots-Colts game will be a worthy successor.

This was my ‘Fourth and Long’ column from Oct 31, 2007 and can be found in its entirety here.

In the past week as sports media has focused rather myopically on the crowning achievements of the greater Boston area, another story has surprisingly flown below the radar.

National headlines have been filled with the Red Sox sweeping through the World Series, Boston College positioning itself to play in the BCS National Championship Game, and Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the undefeated New England Patriots continuing their inexorable march towards the greatest season in NFL history.

But this Sunday, those soon-to-be-crowned-four-time-world-champion Patriots will be playing another team that you may not have heard of.

The Indianapolis Colts.

The undefeated Indianapolis Colts. The defending champion Indianapolis Colts. And the underdog Indianapolis Colts.

Lost in the New England lovefest is that the Colts are sporting a 12-game winning streak dating back to last season when they won something we like to call around here the Super Bowl.

Also lost is that the Colts defeated the Patriots in the playoffs last season, coming back from an 18-point deficit to win the AFC championship. In fact, the Colts have beaten the Patriots three straight, two of those times in Foxborough. And it is almost universally acknowledged that this year’s version of the Colts are better than the team that won the Super Bowl a scant nine months ago.

But these Indianapolis Colts are four to five point underdogs at home. Undefeated and defending world champions playing at home as underdogs.

This is unprecedented.

And yet, the New England Patriots deserve to be the favorites. They are playing the best football I have ever seen. Better than the 49ers in the late 1980s with Joe Montana and Jerry Rice. Better than the Greatest Show on Turf. And better than the Indianapolis Colts who boast starts of 13-0, 9-0 and 7-0 over the past three seasons.

So who will win? Well, the Patriots, right now, want this game more than the Colts. Their hunger is palpable.

While Peyton Manning parlayed his Super Bowl MVP into even more commercials during the offseason, while Tony Dungy published his memoirs and went on a book tour, the New England Patriots reengineered their team with one specific goal in mind: beat the Colts.

And beat the Colts they will.

Not by 45. Probably not even by 17.

But the Patriots will win without the need of a last-minute game-winning drive or a heart-stopping goal-line stand.

I have a hunch, however, that the story won’t end there.

On January 20, 2008 in Foxborough, the 17-0 New England Patriots will face off against the 14-3 Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship game. And in an epic struggle that will be talked about for decades to come, Peyton Manning will lead the Colts past the once-perfect Patriots with a last-second assist from Adam Vinatieri.

Why? Because the Patriots will have become complacent. After 19 consecutive weeks of media adulation, they will have bought into their own hype. And no humble pie, no matter how masterfully served up by Bill Belichick, will suffice.

And in what makes sports greater than any reality series on television, the New England Patriots will go from the ‘Greatest Team in NFL History” to second-rate schoolyard bullies in the blink of an eye.

From Week 8 (originally published Oct 31, 2007)…

With apologies to Jim Mora, it’s never too early to talk playoffs…

AFC Playoff Seeds
1) Indianapolis Colts (7-0): Will the Colts keep the top spot…
2) New England Patriots (8-0): …or will the Patriots finally dethrone the defending champions?
3) Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2): Steelers rebound nicely after that ugly loss in Denver.
4) Kansas City Chiefs (4-3): Week 4 win over the Chargers gives the Chiefs the AFC West.
5) Tennessee Titans (5-2): Ugly win over the Raiders, but you can’t argue with 5-2.
6) Jacksonville Jaguars (5-2): Surprising win over the Bucs. Can the Jags hold on until David Garrard returns?

NFC Playoff Seeds
1) Dallas Cowboys (6-1): Mark your calendars. The Packers come to town on November 29.
2) Green Bay Packers (6-1): The Packers did what the Steelers couldn’t. Beat the Broncos in Denver.
3) Carolina Panthers (4-3): No shame in losing to the Colts, but believe or not, the Saints are only one game back in the NFC South.
4) Seattle Seahawks (4-3): Can the Seahawks turn things around after the bye week?
5) New York Giants (6-2): After six straight wins and a trip to London, the Giants get a well-deserved bye week.
6) Detroit Lions (5-2): Best start in the Millen era. Kitna is looking smarter and smarter by the week.

And nearly halfway through the season and fight for imperfection is gaining steam…

Battle for Brian Brohm (or Matt Ryan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

#1 - Miami Dolphins (0-8): Another city. Another loss. I’ll have to check, but I don’t think you can lose a game during bye week.
#2 - St. Louis Rams (0-8): Rams held a 14-point lead early with the return of Steven Jackson. Unfortunately, the loss of the same Steven Jackson led to a 7-point loss.
#3 - New York Jets (1-7): The Pennington era is over in New York.
#4 - Atlanta Falcons (1-6): With the 2-5 49ers in town, someone has to win.
#5 - San Francisco 49ers (2-5): After a 2-0 start, the Niners are in free fall.
#6 - Oakland Raiders (2-5): How much longer before the JaMarcus Russell era?
#7 - Minnesota Vikings (2-5): With two QBs injured and Adrian Peterson in the backfield, Jeff George lobbies for a chance. No joke.
#8 - Cincinnati Bengals (2-5): So much for turning around the season.

Originally published as part of the Oct 31, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

If you’re anything like me, you rolled your eyes as ESPN and Monday Night Football fawned endlessly over Brett Favre Monday night. It’s getting a little old, I thought, this slavish infatuation over an aging quarterback. I endured it for years from John Madden and now Tony Kornheiser was joining in. But as I watched the game against the Broncos in Mile High Stadium, I found myself entralled by Favre’s performance. At age 38, he completed 21 of 27 passes for 331 yards and two touchdowns. But not just any touchdowns. A 79-yarder against perrennial Pro Bowler Champ Bailey and an 82-yarder to win the game in overtime. Suddenly all that adoration seemed woefully inadequate.

As overhyped as the New York Giants-Miami Dolphin game in London was on this side of the Atlantic, it was oddly underhyped on the other side of the pond. The British newspapers barely took notice of the game and when they did, the coverage centered on players we largely ignore. The kickers. The game itself was rather poorly played, not surprising considering the jet lag and poor field conditions. The Brits, it seems, are not used to 300-pound behemoths tearing up their thin and wet field for an afternoon.

But I was pleasantly surprised by the very entertaining interview with commissioner Roger Goodell during the third quarter. It’s the first time I’ve seen the commissioner smile, laugh and joke around, especially after Tony Siragusa joined the conversation. After all the fines and mandates imposed around the league, it was refreshing to see that Roger Goodell could joke around like everyone else. It made him somewhat more human, a characteristic he desperately needs to exhibit.

Congratulations to the San Diego Chargers who have climbed back into the playoff picture with a 4-3 record after trouncing the Houston Texans 35-10. WR Chris Chambers may just have been the addition the Bolts’ offense needed to get back on track. With the Vikings next, the Chargers should be 5-3 going into a pivotal three-game stretch against the Colts, Jaguars and Ravens which will, undoubtedly, determine their season.

How can any team lose to the Jacksonville Jaguars when they don’t even have a starting quarterback? Sometimes I wonder if teams in the NFL grasp that all they need to do is win the game they are playing that week. There was no way the Jaguars could beat the Buccaneers Sunday. Only the Bucs could beat themselves. And beat themselves they did by throwing three interceptions with one returned for a touchdown in a 24-23 loss.

Originally published as part of the Oct 31, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

One week after a fall from a roof tragically took Max McGee’s life and on the same day as Packer legends eulogized McGee at his funeral, I was shocked to hear the words coming out of Keith Olbermann’s mouth as he narrated the Raiders-Titans highlights on Football Night in America. Having Tivo’ed the show to see if my recent criticisms of the NBC telecast had been off the mark, I replayed the highlight eight times to make sure that I heard what I thought I heard.

I did.

In describing how easily LenDale White gained yardage in the second half against the Raiders, Olbermann nonchalantly uttered the phrase, “It’s like falling off a roof.”

Now I’ve watched and enjoyed Keith Olbermann since his legendary days at ESPN with Dan Patrick. This is a guy who prides himself on being a sports historian. And more importantly, this is a guy who prides himself on his wordsmithing. So it was with much shock that I listened to his utterly tactless choice of words.

Do I think he selected those words on purpose? No. Olbermann was the one to elegantly eulogize McGee the previous week on Football Night in America.

But it speaks to how out of place his smug, snarky stylings have become in the blue-collar world of pro football. Perhaps it is time for him to return to his solo political commentating career on MSNBC and Countdown with Keith Olbermann and leave the football hosting to Bob Costas.

Originally published as part of the Oct 24, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

One of the hardest things about managing a website is trying to determine what your site looks like on different computers. The experience is going to be slightly different if you’re on a PC or a Mac, a desktop or a laptop.But perhaps the most critical component is the screen resolution and screen size of each individual computer for that determines how wide each column of the website will appear on the screen. So if you have a decent size computer screen, the website will be very symmetrical and perfectly formatted. But if you happen to use a smaller screen like those found on many laptops, you may have noticed that the lines of text on the main page wrap somewhat awkwardly.

To alleviate this problem, I have been actively conserving as much space as possible in every column of the main page to create a better experience. So please do let me know what the website looks like on your computer by emailing me at DiG@FootballForBreakfast.com.

And just be thankful you’re not looking at this on an iPhone.

Originally published as part of the Oct 24, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

This week is not a complete non sequitur, but it has got to be the funniest impersonation that Frank Caliendo has ever done of John Madden.

Originally published as part of the Oct 24, 2007 ‘Fourth and Long’ column…

This past weekend, football lost a great player, a talented broadcaster and a beloved figure when former Green Bay Packer Max McGee died at age 75 after a tragic fall from his roof while cleaning the gutters.

Max McGee was a colorful character from the heyday of the Green Bay Packers, perhaps best known for the end of his career when he pulled in several circus touchdown catches in Super Bowl I after a night of heavy drinking. Before the game, McGee told starter Boyd Dowler, “I hope you don’t get hurt. I’m not in very good shape.” Dowler would separate his shoulder on the second drive, forcing McGee into action. McGee, however, had left his helmet in the locker room since he had barely played all year managing only four catches on the season. Grabbing the nearest helmet at hand. McGee would go on to catch seven passes for 138 yards and two touchdowns, helping the Packers crush the AFL champion Kansas City Chiefs 35-10.

But for Packer fans, McGee is perhaps better known for his tweaking of legendary coach Vince Lombardi. At the start of training camp in 1961, Lombardi decided it was time to take the team back to basics. Holding up a football, Lombardi proclaimed, “Gentleman, this is a football.” To which McGee retorted, “Uh, Coach, could you slow down a little. You’re going too fast for us.” Even Lombardi chuckled at that one.

This was my ‘Fourth and Long’ column from Oct 24, 2007 and can be found in its entirety here.

Baseball, with its storied history, has many austere records. The triple crown. The perfect game.

But football has the perfect season.

The holy grail of the NFL, achieved only once in the 87-year history of professional football.

Think about that. Once.

Sure the Akron Pros went 8-0-3 in 1920, the Canton Bulldogs 10-0-2 in 1922 and 11-0-1 in 1923, and the Green Bay Packers 12-0-1 in 1929. But they all had those unsightly ties, blemishes that forever marred their shot at sports immortality.

The Chicago Bears came close twice, finishing the regular season undefeated and untied in both 1934 and 1942. But they suffered heartbreaking losses in the NFL Championship both years.

In the end, only one team has achieved perfection.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins. 17-0.

Of course the regular season was only 14 games back then. But the Dolphins pulled it off even after losing starting QB Bob Griese to a broken ankle in week 5.

So this year the New England Patriots seem intent to match and, if possible, surpass this immortal record by going 19-0.

A little premature to talk about that in week 7, right?

Probably. But there is a growing feeling that the Patriots are something special. That we are witnessing history in the making. The Patriots have a different swagger than any other undefeated team I’ve ever seen. It’s almost as if nothing short of an undefeated season, nothing short of being declared the greatest team in NFL history will be enough for Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots this year.

Why?

Well, to start, the loss to the Colts in the AFC Championship game last season was widely hailed as the end of the Patriots’ domination over the Colts and the AFC as a whole. The Patriots had already lost two straight to the Colts. And in this epic rematch, the Pats were up 18. And lost.

The Colts went on to win the Super Bowl and suddenly, the Patriots were no longer the team to beat. No longer the golden boys of the NFL. Suddenly Tony Dungy was the coach everyone talked about, not Bill Belichick.

So the Patriots cast their net during free agency and caught a whole new set of receivers in Wes Welker, Donte Stallworth and Randy Moss.

Randy Moss. The talented malcontent who, after being accused of taking plays off, famously proclaimed, “I play when I want to play.” Belichick made a deal with the devil and upgraded his offense.

Then as the 2007 season kicked off, the Patriots got caught illegally and brazenly taping the Jets defensive signals providing enough ammunition to the media, other NFL teams and non-Patriot fans across the country to question the legitmacy of Bill Belichick’s legacy and the Patriots’ three world championships.

Maybe, people whispered, Belichick isn’t a genius after all. Maybe, just maybe, he cheated his way to those three Super Bowl victories.

This spoken and unspoken questioning of Belichick’s genius, of the accomplishments of the New England Patriots and the indictment of the Patriot way, supplied Belichick with the ammunition he needed to keep his team focused for an entire season.

The 2007 Patriots are on a mission to prove that taping defensive signals had nothing to do with their stellar success over the past six seasons. That’s why being the best team in 2007 is not enough. That is why they are so focused every single game. Belichick seems to want to show everyone that this is the best team in NFL history, that when they go 19-0, NO ONE will be able to dispute their success.

You can’t argue Belichick’s legacy if he runs the table this year. Four Super Bowl championships in seven years. Perfect season. Greatest team ever. That’s how he will ensure his spot in history.

But if the last few weeks are any indication, even that is not enough. The Patriots with Tom Brady at the helm are on pace to become the greatest offense in NFL history. An average winning margin of almost 23 points, the closest game being a 17-point win over the Browns. A winning margin that allowed Belichick to serve a heaping helping of humble pie to his team.

The message was loud and clear. Winning by 17 is not good enough.

Against the Cowboys, the Patriots scored a touchdown with only 19 seconds left, while leading 42-28. Against the Dolphins — the winless Dolphins, Brady ran a hurry-up offense at the end of the half and faked a spike so they could go up 42-7 at the halftime. By the end of the day, Tom Brady had thrown six touchdown passes. Six.

Look at where Brady is after seven games. 27 touchdowns. He’s on pace to throw 61 for the year. His passer rating is 137.9, set to blow away Peyton Manning’s 121.1 rating from 2004. We’re talking Ruthian numbers here.

It’s as if by eclipsing the achievements of Peyton Manning, Tony Dungy and the Colts, by shattering Peyton Manning’s single season touchdown record, Brady, Belichick and the Patriots will show that the Colts of 2006 were an anomaly. By diminishing the Colts’ offense, by eliminating their greatness from daily conversations, Belichick will solidify the Patriots’ claim to being the greatest team and the greatest dynasty of all-time.

Make no mistake about it.

Their goal is not to win the AFC East. Or a first-round bye. Or merely a Super Bowl victory. Their goal is to be the greatest team in NFL history.

And through seven weeks, they seem to be doing just that.